I can tuck mytits in my pants
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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