I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
