god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
