Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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