i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
