just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
