apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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