trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
