so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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