I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
