Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
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