If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
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