White coat. Heels.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
