Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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