I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
In America we eat man semen.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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