Yo dont text me then not text me
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Are my feet made of real feet?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
