Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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