Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
