I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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