His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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