i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
