and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
