the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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