This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
