Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
