When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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