he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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