so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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