I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
