i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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