The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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