dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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