You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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