it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
