my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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