just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
