i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
