Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
