New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i will never coherently bang her
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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