Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
