Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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