This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
