he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
