walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
