I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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