I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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