U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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