That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
