I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
