he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
