oh god the rape fog is back!
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize