you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
