im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
