I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
