May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
