We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
