he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
