fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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