2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
