Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
