I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
