She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I FOUND THE LEGS
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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