eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
