I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
