I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
