In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
